Three is a Crowd

Hold on!! Time Out!! Wait the fuck a minute!! Where the fuck did this nigga come from??!! So....I come to find out that the girl that I'm very fond of is also talking to someone else. Now we are not in a relationship, we are just dating for now. But It bothers me very much to know that she is doing the things with me with someone else. No I cant say that cause I dont know if he takes her out, talks to her every day, makes her laugh, gives her a good time, Kiss her.......smh. Now I shouldn't be bothered with this cause we talked about it being of to see other people when we first started dating. Since we are just talking its was cool to see someone else cause we were not serious yet. But dam that was in the beginning. I thought since we was vibeing so much, there possibly couldn't be anyone else. I guess I was wrong. lol. I'm not gonna lie when she told me it fucked me up a little. Had me heated, but not at her but more at the situation. *Sigh*......I Just Don't Know. But I could tell when she told me it was tearing her up inside. And now we are on a pause cause she needs time to think. So who will she pick, me? Or this lame ass fucking nigga!!! RRRRRRRR!! wooosha.......lol. But for real it is really fucking me up cause what if im not her choice. Then Im gonna think I wasn't good enough for her. And Blah Blah Blah. Now I have to wait for her decision, how long will that be? IDK but I do know its gonna be bothering me every second of the day, every day until I found out. All thats left to do is wait...........*sigh*

Random thought

I think I'm getting addicted. Addicted to when I pull on it and hold it deep down in me, and as I pause I think for a second,.........When I release it I watch as it and my thoughts dance around in the air like art until they disappear.

Paranoid is the wrong word to Use here

I think the Pic is over doing it. lol

Word, I'm paranoid???? Is that what I'm feeling. So the other day I'm having a conversation with a female friend of mines. About Race, society, but it was all related to relationships and how these things effect them. But that's not what I'm about to talk about. I ended up teller her about my past relationships and a situation I'm in. Now I'm talking to this girl and I think im falling hard. I mean really hard. lol. Now when I went into this thing my goal was to do the guy thing, go with the flow and try to beat. Like what ever happens happen. So we been on a few dates and its was all cool we both enjoyed ourselves, we talk a lot, etc. Now We had this one conversation and we agreed to take things slow. Im like cool whatever, cause im a laid back guy and Im going with the flow. But I don't know how to take it slow cause I haven't been in alot of relationships. So lately We dont talk as much and I haven't seen her in a min and I really miss her :(. So how im starting to feel paranoid, "she trying to avoid me" "what did I do", "blah, blah, blah". Now my friend im telling this to starts to laugh at me -_-. She says im not paranoid im scared. What??? Scared? Me? Ha? *Pokes chest out* Scared of what? She says "Scared that she might not like as much as I do her, and I might loser her attention". Im like god dam it u might be right. lol. When I think about it, it does scare me that I might not be what she is looking for (no confidence at all). But she is what Im looking for, for a very long time. Cause I don't like much girls cause im mad picky. That's why I've been doing the single thing for a long while, getting mines and doing me. So now that I found someone I might like..........no I do like her...alot. I feel scared.......god I sound and feel like a sucker for love. Smh. So anyway talking to my friend, oh yeah I forgot to mention girl im talking too just came out a bad relationship. So my friend goes "maybe she is the one thats scared cause she doesn't want to get hurt again". Ok that makes sense, it may explain the distance she might be trying to keep. Or im just over reacting. So she tells me to talk to her to see whats up. And also says try not to fall too hard. Well her exact words were "If your gonna fall, fall gracefully try not to hit your head" hmmm Nice. She ment try not to fall too hard. I think its too late. smh. I gonna find out whats going on. And to the Guys Im sorry I sound like a punk, this is a first for me.